Today I sat crying in the chapel again. Nothing new there... only this time, Jesus said, "Liz, I want you to learn to walk with a broken heart. Don't pretend that it's not broken, or ask me to heal it. I want you to live a broken life that cries out in the darkness for something more. That's the only way I can bring life to your soul. Let the wound stay unhealed."
I can't live as though suffering doesn't touch the very core of who I am. I realized that walking with a broken heart takes more courage and strength than binding up the wounds and walking as though I've got it together - as if my heart isn't broken. I realized today that walking with a broken heart means letting God have my bloody wounded heart for his own. That I can't fix it, I can't put myself back together again, and I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to lose myself in a lie. The lie that says I can get it together, I can heal my broken heart, and I can smile while I'm at it.
I've never had the courage to be that broken. I think I've tried every once in a while - but the power of my own broken heart scares me.
But I don't want to live on the surface of my soul.
Jesus, help me walk with a broken heart... I stand unhealed.